Before the affair, I was one of those cool girls.  Because I had total, blind trust in my husband, it was easy for me to be “cool” with everything he did.  He wanted to go out with the guys.  Fine.  He wanted to go to the strip club.  Okay.  He wanted to go to the bar where the girls wear practically nothing.  Sure.

Post-affair.  No way.  I realized I was no longer “cool” with any of those things, and frankly, I know that I will probably never totally be cool with most of them ever again.  Shortly after discovery, he went to one of those bars where the girls are all 20 and wear a bra with a too short skirt – a place called “Twin Peaks.”  (Yes, that’s the real name of the place.)  As if that wasn’t enough to pour salt in to my freshly opened wounds, he also had one of the waitresses pose for a picture on top of his car!  Keep in mind, this was only a few months after discovery, and I nearly left him over the incident.

Fast forward two years, and he tells me that he is going to meet the guys for a few drinks to watch the game.  At first, he tells me he is meeting at one of the guys’ shop for beers.  I say sure, no problem.  So the night of this little get-together, he’s acting kinda funny.  Overly compensating about how he doesn’t really want to go, but he said he would, but he won’t be late.  I’m triggered.  It’s a reminder of how he acted so many nights when he was headed out to see Her.  So, though I haven’t done it in some time, I track him on Find my iPhone.  And, guess where he is?  Yep.  Twin Peaks.  So I call him and ask him: “where did you say you were going?”  Well, he knows I can track him, so he immediately tells me he is at Twin Peaks; he already told me that, right?  No.  He didn’t.  He does ask me if I’m okay with it, and says he can leave if I’m not.  I say stay; I’m okay, but he didn’t tell me he was going there.  Of course he disagrees again, but I let it go.

I don’t think about it again.  He comes home early; right after the game.  I feel fine about it and really proud of myself for finally being secure enough to be somewhat “cool” again.

Then, this morning, I look at his phone.  Old habit ever since discovery.  And, there is a picture of him with one of the waitresses from Twin Peaks.  All grins.  He’s been sending the picture to his friends with the caption “F’n $.”  Of course, his friends are even bigger pigs than him, evidenced by the comments.  (I wonder what their wives would think if they saw their comments?….).  I am hurt and feel totally disrespected.  Not just disrespected because he was obviously ogling this girl, but also because he then chose to further disrespect me to his friends by sharing the photo and making lewd comments about it.  I want to address it with him, but I don’t want it to come out angry or over-react.  Help me out here.  My insecure mind has me all confused.  I am trying to stand up for myself, but don’t want to turn into a total nag about every little thing.  What should I do?  How should I approach it?  Any suggestions are welcome.