It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve just not felt like it. I’ve not felt like anything lately, and I’ve been sad and down. I’m having trouble reconciling how my husband treated me at times during our marriage, and how I let him treat badly, and how I now am seemingly letting him “get away with it.” Doesn’t this go against everything I ever thought I stood for? Aren’t I showing him that it’s okay for him to walk all over me?
I’m also struggling because of his low testosterone levels. We are going on 6 months with no sex. I feel like I’m really going into year 3 of a sexless marriage. As some of you may recall from previous posts, my husband lost his interest in me when he started his affair in January 2010. We basically had almost no sex from 2010 through 2012, including a 15-month dry spell. I feel so unattractive, unwanted and undesirable. It is insult to injury.
We have counseling today, and hopefully we can air some things. I feel like something is bugging him, but he won’t talk to me about it. I feel like I’m always in the dark, like I’m always trying to guess what it is that I’ve done wrong or what I need to do to make him happy. I feel like I can’t make him happy and nothing I do will make him happy. Maybe he’d be happier without me. Maybe his affair was only a sign of him actually wanting out of this marriage. My husband has trouble being alone, and I sometimes think that he was looking for something better so he could leave me and not be alone.